Didn't really realize how bad my right eye had gotten until I was using the viewfinder of a new camera I bought. When I close my left eye I can barely see a thing.
BLOG
My brain is full and needs its release!!!
STAY AWHILE AND LISTEN.
Finally got around to finishing these photos.
I'VE HAD THIS HEADACHE FOR TWO DAYS STRAIGHT!!! IT HURTS SO MUCH I COULDN'T EVEN CRY. IT'S FINALLY GONE THO ;-;.
Sometimes you just have a bad weekend. I took some photos this weekend in a city I've never been to. It was strange... It was so empty... I'm sure If I looked hard enough I'd at least find some gnomes. When I got home and plugged my sd card into my computer the photos suddenly
CORRUPTED.....
I couldn't even get mad.
I've been really interested lately in creating things. I want to still draw digitally, but I would like to explore other crafts like sculpting and toy making.
I haven't really been to inspired to do photography lately, so I thought making little creatures to take photos of them would help with that.
I want to make them their very own habitats and daily schedules. I think it would be really cool.
I wish I could control my hands better. I wish my strokes were less sloppy. Everything I draw is so rigid and crude. It has no harmony to it. Sometimes I like it... but most times it just leaves me devastated.
I've been distracted by the bleakness that is my life at the current moment. It's not even that bad, but it still manages to stun me. Maybe its the cold and the shorter nights that come with winter that are highlighting these feelings. I need to do some good. maybe I will soon.
I can tell it's about that time of year where I get a bit depressed. I know it might just be the early nights, and the cold, but I don't know. Things are very difficult at the moment.
I wish I'd learn more ways to cope.
If you haven't picked up your camera in a while. I recommend it! The weather has been quite nice again. I decided to edit Yotsuba in these photos.
We're basically twins.
I need to understand the dreams I've been having lately. Never have they been this pleasant. This vivid.
Sometimes I see meadows where the grass is just the right height. The skies are clear and when I walk on these fields I feel a breeze. Is death coming soon? Or am I being visited by some kind presence?
I don't really know.
I'm not used to this. My dreams are usually often nightmares.
My brain has been quite busy recently. I'm back on my game dev shit and finally making some real tangible progress!
Some photos I took over the weekend.
My friend and I took some photos back in July of this year. I forget how much photography means to me. It used to be what felt like my purpose. So picking up that camera after such a long while again felt nice. This photo was taken during our ride back. It was starting to storm and we didn't really have the equipment to capture in the rain. The sky looked so cool as the clouds were rolling in, swallowing the blue. There's something so beautiful about the grey.
My brain is not as good as it used to be. I don't have any money to get it examined.
It's even harder to talk to it. I'm forgetting names, events, old friends. I'm not even in my 30s yet. I thought stuff like this happens when you become old and grey.
I can barely remember memories from a decade ago. Sometimes they fly back into my head, but it's like my brain can't allocate the space for it, so it just rids of it. I wish it didn't fuck me up as badly as it does.
I need a bag of money to land on my front yard. Enough to get this looked at. One thing I can remember is that one day I found a hundred dollar bill on the ground of a gas station I used to work at. I never felt so lucky. But at the same time, in retrospect, it was at the cost of the misfortune of someone else I'll never ever know. Sorry your money ended up in my hands. It helped pay for groceries.
Please ignore the creature above me. It appeared on my computer one day and kept telling me it belonged to GOD, anyways....
I Pumped my bike and got the lock this week. I spent what felt like an eternity removing my front tire's dust cap. It was loose but it wouldn't come off the thread.
IT WAS BIZARRE.....
For a second a thought came to my head. "Maybe they glued the end of it to the valve for some reason. How am I gonna fill up my tire?" I reached for my flash light to get a better assessment, and realized there was something inside the cap. After cutting through the dust cap with my screwdriver, I realized there was another dustcap inside the dustcap.It was just like a Russian doll. It was a relief, to say the least, and I managed to get it out without damaging the valve. With this, I was ready to set out to cycle to the library.
Little did I know I would be haunted by my own past.
See I used to go to the library all the time back in middle school and high school. I was obsessed with picking up any manga that had a cool or cute front cover, and my local library had an amazing section of comics to choose from. I felt like I was in heaven. I would spend time reading volumes there and if I really liked a series I'd go ahead and borrow it. Turns out I kept a few of these books and never gave them back ^_^
Oops.
You know I thought libraries tend to forgive stuff like this after a while. It's been like a decade and I couldn't believe it. When I went to the library a few days ago, they still wanted me to pay up. So, a new thing to add to the list is to call my old library and see if I could at least be forgiven for these overdue fees.
Huh? It's already Tuesday? I feel like these days are blending together at a rapid rate. Which means I need to change things.
The repetitiveness is depressing, but I'm not sure what the cure for that is nowadays. Maybe I should see my friends soon; break up some of the action.
I have some DVD's I need to catch up on. I bought a lot of anime DVDs from a local video shop. I'm surprised we still even have shops like this anymore. I asked how they're still running and, unsurprisingly, it's just XRATED videos lol.
Old people not using the internet keeps this place alive. How funny!
(they also sell clothes and accessories.) Anyways, when I went there to check if they had any cool movies I could watch on my CRT. I found they had a mountain of anime behind their register.
I felt like I had hit the jackpot, honestly. Like they had just about every season of Detective Conan, Lain DVDS, Alien 9, A bunch of just weird classic anime. I ended up leaving with a bag full (this was several months ago.. I wonder if they still have the rest of the lot)
I watched Alien 9 for the first time after that. How depressing.
Revisting Detective Conan is always comfort food for me, but I still have a bunch of DVDs I picked up. I never saw "TEKKONKINKREET". Maybe I'll watch that tonight. It should be a great time.
Am I writing too frequently? Ah who cares, it's MY WEBSITE! I got a couple of things I want to do this week...
- Get a bike lock
- Get a new library card to pick up some art books with
- Finish a couple of games I've been slacking on
Night life rules! (sometimes) I think better at night. Or to put into better words, I overthink at night. Ideas flood my tiny little brain and I wonder if I could turn those ideas into something tangible. I gotta write stuff down more. That way I can at least rule out all the dumb ideas in the morning.
If I don't write things down I will forget. It's just how things go. I set reminders for everything now, and it seems to help a bunch. What was I getting at with this?
I finally got this working(?) There is nothing more utterly human than wanting to write about anything, and EVERYTHING. Especially at 7:45 AM when you haven't slept because you running off the fumes of a tasty energry drink.
I'm still in awe I managed to create a website. I felt like I was going crazy. Filling my brain with HTML tutorials the last couple of days; figuring out what tags were and which ones were essential and easy to use.
I felt like I spent all day looking for the tag (< hr >) cause I was looking at blog sites and wondering how they all had that nice line on the footer that made such a thematic break. But now, I've conquered that and made, if I do say so my self a pretty decent place to write stuff.
I still got plenty of stuff to fix up here but we'll get to that bridge when we cross it. I think in the next couple of days I'll get back to drawing as the purpose of this site was to put my art somewhere where it can be viewed the way I want it to be seen. I'm so tired of social media. It's not fun posting art there. I don't want to make art just for likes. I want to make art for myself for once. I wanna truly learn and get better instead of rushing myself so my twitter stays relevant.
Phew I'm tired. I think I'll stop here and go to sleep. I should get some sleep.